5th November 2016 – Saturday morning means a trip to football with my son. I am also overjoyed to hear the knock at the door which signals my Mum and Dad arriving. My parents stock was always high but has soared over the last six months. My Dad brings in the bags from his car and then puts on his winter coat and joins me for the walk to football whilst my Mum takes stock in the kitchen and helps get another load of washing through.

One of my greatest strengths, is also one of my biggest weaknesses and that is when I think of something I want to get it done. I want to get on with what I am thinking of. But this also means that I can be so focussed on the task I’m thinking of & become impatient or fail to see things from other people’s perspectives. The art of patience is something I am really having to learn and develop. My parents are both two of the most selfless and patient people I know and have always been the perfect balance to my energy and enthusiasm.

After football we head to the Library and I’m overjoyed that my son wants a Danger Mouse DVD. I loved DM when I was a kid and it is great he is getting in to the same things. After the Library we head for a run around at the park where he bumps in to some of his class mates and then home for a chilled out evening of Danger Mouse and stories.

The only difficult topic is the discussion about my Dad’s brother but as we don’t yet have a date for the funeral I try to put thoughts of this to one side for today at least. Another thing I am very conscious of is my bandwidth to deal with anything else. I know this is a hugely selfish but it has felt like I’ve been floating in a world that has been going on around me. Every now and then I fully engage with others or the environment but then I drift outside it again. It is just the same when I watch the news. I know so much has happened over the last 6 months but most of it hasn’t really registered with me. Just as the problems I and others have are ranked in my mind and I just don’t really have the space for any more than I’m currently dealing with. Again, I know this is hugely selfish state but I also know it is how I feel. It is the way I’m currently programmed and all I can do to get through things.

Bed time comes with stories from the Library and by the time I am done I realise that even with outside help and plenty of activities keeping a young boy entertained and managing all the weekend logistics is going to be really tough and I’m going to have to set the bar much lower in terms of all the things I had planned to get done on a weekend with my little boy. In fact the safe thing to do is probably not to plan to get anything at all done on a weekend when I have my little boy! I wonder if my own expectations were just too much and I wonder what I can learn from the current situation to make me a better Daddy and a better person going forward.

 

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