Friday 10th March 2017 – I’ve got a bit of spring in my step this morning as I reflect on another wonderful evening with my little boy yesterday and despite the chilly start I’m heading in to London on the bike today with a bit more purpose. It is no secret that with the mush that has been my mind for so long that I’ve been struggling with the motivation for work. I’ve been struggling with what it is all about and the drive to keep pushing on day after day. That said I am also still so grateful for the structure of work. For the salary that keeps me afloat and the patience my colleagues and my superiors have shown me. I know that I am only afforded this latitude as I have built up so much credit for all the hard work I have done in the past. Nobody judges me as they know I have done my time. So if I skip off early to get my little boy they know why. If I arrive looking down or am distracted during the day and need to talk. They know that this man has shown his colors time and time again before. They are also so sympathetic and want me to be happy again. They have seen the pain etched on my face and in my heart. They know the man that was and they want to see me be that man again. The confident leader who inspired those around him and held a team together with care and love.
It really isn’t in my nature to just get by! I want to start to feel alive again and feel the buzz of a new deal or a new piece of business. I want to get my work Mojo back and I’m hoping meetings like the one I am attending today will do just that. The tendency for us all, when we’ve been hurt, is to hide away. To retrench in to a safe world which we know will support us. But I’m realizing more and more that the only way to accelerate this journey to happiness is to begin to challenge myself agai and put myself out there. No more hiding. No more ducking the big stuff. In fact the bigger the stuff the harder I need to hit it.
Today I hit London and held my head high. This is me, here I am and I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve tried to be.